Another Ending (re-post)
by jollieholly
Summary: SLASH. This is posted in Chasing Amy category too, but after discovering this Kevin Smith category I figured I should post it here too. I love the movie as is, but I do wish there was a deleted scene of a happy Holden/Banky ending. So I just finally wrote one myself.
1. Chapter 1

"No."

I couldn't believe my ears. No?! After everything and everyone she's done in her life she says no to this, to me? How can I not be insulted by this?

"Thank Christ!"

Banky doesn't want to either. For some reason this hurts more than Alyssa's rejection. Feeling insulted by Banky is the last thing I'm feeling…Banky ignites more of a feeling of curiosity and something else. Disappointment maybe? Why did he agree to it in the first place then? As quickly as I think of that question the answer immediately pops into my head. For me. He was going to go through with this insane request just because I asked him to. This flattery warms my heart. Wait why do I care so much about this? Why are my thoughts so focused on my best friend when I should be paying closer attention to my girlfriend?

"You don't want this Holden."

"Yes I do. I've thought about this over and over and I'm sure of it. It's the only way to make things work for all of us."

I glance over at Banky and his eyes are closed and his bottom lip has a slight tremble to it. I think he's doing all he can to keep himself from crying. I did that. I hurt him. All I want to do is make it better, but I honestly have no idea how. I'd go to him now, but I'm worried that'd just make things worse. For the first time in 20 years I'm at a loss with how to talk to Banky. I suppose it's just as well since apparently Alyssa has more to say.

"See that's what I'm talking about. "all of us"? Why include Banky in this at all? If you truly just wanted to be on par with me then why not ask me to bring one of my girlfriends to bed with us? Or try some toys? Or role play? There are plenty of ways to get you some more experience that don't involve dragging your best friend into it. Say I said yes. Say we did go through with this plan of yours? What happens next? Tomorrow morning Banky will still hate me. Probably more so, because after what the two of you would've shared, you know you would've ended up being with just me."

Now she's crying. I'm crying too and I don't even know when I started. I look back at Banky and his head is turned away, but his hand is wiping at his face and it kills me that I just keep hurting him, because Alyssa's right. I had every intention of this three-way being a onetime thing. It was meant to be a solution to just get things back to where they were before. When things were easier. I just wanted a girlfriend that doesn't lie to me and my best friend to stop bitching so much. That's where I fucked up, because I was just focusing on what I wanted. I obviously didn't think hard enough on what these two wanted. Alyssa's done with her wild ways and just wants to settle down with me. Which probably would've happened if she hadn't lied about her past. Banky may bitch, but it's his way of being brutally honest with me. He's never lied to me and I have never lied to him. But I think we both have been lying to ourselves. Banky just bitched so much about Alyssa because he was so scared of losing me to her. I pretended not to notice how much he cares for me, because I didn't want to deal with fact that I care just as much for him. Damn is Alyssa still talking?

"Holden you have to choose. Banky may play nice at first, but eventually he'll get sick of being the lovesick third wheel. If things keep going well for us there'll be marriage and kids and eventually you just won't have time to hang out with Banky. It happens all the time, even to those normal couples you seem to envy so much. People grow out of their friendships, it sucks, but it's a part of life. Why do you have such a hard time accepting that? Why are you so desperate to keep Banky in your life that you would think a threesome would be a good idea?"

"Alyssa, I…"

My voice trails off because I'm too stunned to think. Banky was right damnit. This is the time when I have to choose. Banky or Alyssa, I obviously can't have them both. Alyssa is becoming a slobbery mess and I don't dare look at Banky, because I'm sure to lose it then. I just force myself to think. To imagine a life without Alyssa. A life with no wife. No picket fence. No 2.5 kids. A life full of just comics, and Sega, and Star Wars references, and backwards caps, and drinking chocolate milk while watching TV and that smile. I think of Banky's smile. Now I force myself to think of a life without Banky.

"Banky. I choose Banky."

Alyssa closes her eyes and nods with tears running down her face. Out of the corner of my eye I see Banky's head snap towards me and his eyes are wide with shock. Alyssa begins to stand to leave and I feel the need to say something.

"I'm sorry Alyssa. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Yeah. Me too."

She hugs me and I hug her back. I feel like shit for hurting her. For chasing after her only to let her go. If only I dealt with my own drama first. Would I though? Would I had ever sat down and discussed things with Banky unless I was forced to? Probably not. Would the concept of love transcending gender ever even occurr to me if it wasn't for knowing Alyssa? No, I would've stayed my happy ignorant self. Never risking having more with Banky in the fear of losing what we already had.

She starts to walk out when she stops for a second to look down at Banky and say, "He's yours again." I want to call her out on being a bitch to him, but I don't want to delay her departure. It's shitty of me I know, but I just want her gone. I need to know if I am in fact his again. Because I want to be. God help me I so want to be.


	2. Chapter 2

After she closes the door I finally bring myself to look at Banky. He's staring at the floor with his head in his hands. I wipe my eyes dry and gently sit next to him on the couch. I feel like I'm approaching a strange dog that could snap at me at any second.

"Banky?" My voice is quiet and a bit raspy. I'm emotionally drained, but this conversation can't wait. We've both waited long enough.

"You shouldn't have done that." He whispers. I was expecting yelling and cursing. Then again the conversation is just beginning.

"Which part?" This makes him raise his head and stare at me with disbelief.

"Which part?! All the parts you fucker! How could you do this? How the fuck is any of this even happening! FUCK!"

Now full of energy he's up and pacing the apartment yelling obscenities. He's good at yelling. He's good at a lot of things, but he really has expressing his rage down to an art. I act annoyed at his angry ramblings, but most of the time I'm fascinated by how and why he reacts so passionately to the small supposed injustices of the world around him. His rants, while fun to witness, are not usually about anything important. Never has it been about anything vital like it is now. I've never before had to worry about calming him down. Whatever inane thing it was that pissed him off, I always knew that he would get over it. This time it isn't inane. This time I don't know what he'll do.

I'm up now with him standing close, but not too close. I want to stop his pacing. I just want to grab his arm, pull him against me, hold him and never let go. I want a lot of things, but this isn't about me right now.

"Banky I'm sorry. I can't say I'm sorry enough. You're right it was all wrong and just so stupid of me to suggest any of it. I wasn't thinking."

"YES YOU FUCKING WERE! YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF JUST FINE!"

He stops his pacing and looks at me. "Do you really think that of me? Do you?!"

"What do you mean?"

He rolls his eyes and exhales in annoyance. I just keep feeling shittier, but there just can't be anymore misunderstandings or dancing around the subject. Everything needs to be out in the open once and for all.

Banky takes a few steps closer to me, looks me in the eyes, and in a quiet voice says, "Do you really think that I'm in love with you?"

"Yes. Yes I do."

"Was there…I don't know…ANY OTHER TIME YOU COULD'VE TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT?! WHAT THE FUCK HOLDEN?!" He's walking away from me now scanning the kitchen counter for something as he keeps throwing at me all the words he needs to say.

"WITH HER HERE! SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH ME! LIKE I NEED HER AS AN AUDIENCE IN THE FUCKING FRONT ROW TO WTINESS THE FUCKING DISASTER THAT IS MY LIFE."

"Your life isn't a disaster!"

"WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WOULD YOU CALL IT?! I WAS GOING TO GO THROUGH WITH IT HOLDEN! I WOULD'VE DONE IT! FOR YOU!"

He finds what he was looking for, cigarettes of course. He takes a small time out from yelling to light one up and I take this opportunity to say what I should've said a long time ago.

"I know and I love you for it. I love you Banky."

That stops him in his tracks for a minute. He's just standing there staring at the ground, slightly shaking his head, and taking the occasional puff of nicotine. I decide it's not enough to just tell him how I feel, I need to show him. However, I also don't want to act like a selfish dick again. I gotta do it right this time. He's too important to fuck this up. So I'll take it slow. As I walk towards him I say it again, "I love you."

He still won't look at me, but at least he starts to talk to me again. "No you don't."

I'm an arm's length away and I try to reach out to him, but he jerks away and starts to walk across the room again.

"Yes I do. Banky, I know I fucked up, and I'm sorry. I hurt you and I'm so sorry. But if all this shit is what made me realize how I truly feel about you then I'm glad. Because I love you Banky. I lo-"

"STOP SAYING THAT!"

He's staring straight at me now and his brown eyes are brimming with tears.

"YOU WERE GOING TO USE ME TO GET THAT DYKE TO TAKE YOU BACK NOT ONE FUCKING HOUR AGO! THAT'S NOT LOVE! YOU'RE SCARED SHITLESS OF BEING ALONE SO YOU'LL JUST TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET! WELL FUCK THAT! FUCK IT! AND FUCK YOU!"

"DAMNIT BANKY I WAS WRONG! OK I WAS WRONG BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO SETTLE. I'M TRYING TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT…FUCK BANKY I CHOSE YOU! IF I TRULY WANTED THE 'DYKE' I COULD'VE HAD HER BUT I DON'T! I WANT YOU!"

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT!"

The tears are flowing freely down his face and I'm too confused to respond. Shouldn't have done that? Those words make no sense. Of course I should have. Fuck, I should've done it ages ago. How could me finally realizing just how deep my love for him goes upset him like this? As if he's a mind reader he begins to answer me. No longer yelling, but speaking through the tears in a sad defeated voice. I prefer the yelling.

"I know what she meant to you. How happy she made you. You were so close to that fucking fairytale happy ending I know you've wanted your whole life, and you gave it all up. For a closeted fuck who doesn't have a damn clue of how to make you half as happy as you make him. Who has to follow the legacy that will always be Alyssa fucking Jones. It's too much pressure in an already fucked up beyond belief situation. How the hell can anyone even begin to live up to that?! HOW?! I know I can't. It's just too much. All of this is just too fucked up and I can't handle it. I'm sorry Holden, but I just can't. I gotta get out of here."

He's beyond crying now, but I can't seem to care. All I care about in that whole fucking tirade is, 'I gotta get out of here' Get out of here? Is he planning on leaving? He can't be! But there he goes, into his room and slams the door shut behind him. Out of nowhere this large lump appears in my throat as I try to call out to him. Nothing comes out. I start rubbing my face with my hands in an attempt to make the tears stop. I'm trying to stop my mind from racing, trying to stop the panic that's building up inside me. He can't leave. I can't lose him. I can't.


	3. Chapter 3

Get a grip Holden. He hasn't left yet so get a hold of yourself. He's surely in there packing a bag and will be ready to leave in a few minutes. I wonder where he'll go. Hooper's probably. Wait, no. NO! It's not over yet. It doesn't have to end like this. And I'll be damned if I'm just going to watch him walk out of my life. I go to the sink to get myself together. I wipe my face with a paper towel, drink a glass of water, and try to think of what to say to Banky. Then I decide fuck it. It's not like anything I plan works out, so I'm might as well just go with what my gut tells me. And right now it's telling me to get my ass in Banky's room.

I don't bother knocking. Banky's sitting on his bed with a duffle bag full of clothes next to him and seeing that just makes me lose it.

"I'M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Banky doesn't say anything. He doesn't react at all. He just stares up at me with an exhausted look on his face. Like he doesn't even care. Well, I do. I fucking care a lot.

"I've never lied to you Banky and I'm not about to start now. It hurt to imagine a life without her. It hurt a lot. At first. Then all I could see was a life with you. And it was good. Really fucking good. Then I tried to imagine a life without you and I wouldn't say that it hurt at all. No, a more apt description is that it almost killed me. It was like suddenly all the air left the room. So there wasn't anything to mull over, no pros and cons to consider. It was simple. A life without you in it, isn't an option."

I stop to give him a chance to respond. He doesn't. But he's not walking out the door either. I choose to focus on that as I sit next to him.

"I know you're scared. I am too. This is new to both of us, to say the least. But it's us Banky. It's you and it's me. I know we can make this work. I'm begging you Banky, please don't give up on me. I know I've messed up. Not just with tonight, but with avoiding this thing between us for far too long. I fucked up royally and I know I don't deserve it, but I'm asking anyway. Please, give me the chance to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

I reach out to him and this time he doesn't pull away. I place my hand on the side of his face and pull his forehead to mine. I can feel him tense up a bit so I move my hand to the back of his head and start to run my fingers through his hair. He's not pulling away! For the first time in what feels like forever I smile. It's a small smile, but a smile none the less. I can feel him begin to relax and that's when he starts to speak.

"Holden?"

"Yes?"

"There's still something that I haven't told you yet and I need to."

I'm careful not to let it show, but all I can think is, 'What now?!' We're finally so close to making progress. To taking our relationship to the next level. To looking forward and never looking back. His lips are finally only a breath away. I'm tired of the tears, the yelling, and the fear that he'll decide we're not worth all this trouble after all. I'm just so fucking tired. But I just promised to make up for all my fuck ups and I meant it. Listening to him bare his soul to me is hardly any trouble, it's a privilege. So whatever it is I know that I can handle it. That we can handle it.

I pull back and hold his face in my hands because I want him to see me clearly as I say this.

"What is it Banky? Whatever it is please know that we can get through it. I promise. Together I know we can do anything." At this he smiles. A true big Banky smile and I fall in love with him even more.

"I just need to tell you that I love you too, Holden. I love you too."


	4. Chapter 4

He loves me. He loves me! I already knew it of course, but to hear him say it. To have it confirmed makes me ecstatically happy. However, it still doesn't compare to the joy I feel knowing that he accepts my love for him. All the fighting and crying was awful, but totally worth it just for this moment.

I smile at his long last confession and move my hands from his face to around his back and pull him closer. He does the same and we just sit there for a few minutes, holding each other and it feels so right. But it's not enough.

I hide my face in his neck for a moment before I start kissing along his throat. I slowly work my way up to his ear and whisper to him exactly what I'm thinking.

"I'm so happy right now." This causes a small chuckle from him and he tightens his embrace while replying with, "Me too."

I keep kissing him. His earlobe, his cheek, his temple. Before I know it I'm tilting my face towards his and we're kissing. I'm kissing Banky. Banky's kissing me. And it's incredible. We start out slow, but soon it becomes obvious that neither one of us can get enough. My hands begin to wander down his back until they reach the hem of his shirt. My fingers grab it and start to inch it up. Banky immediately raises his arms for a faster removal and then quickly does the same to me.

As soon as my shirt's gone I grab Bank's head and slam my lips back to his. The few seconds it took to undress were a few seconds too long to be away from him. We've already wasted so much time. I force those regretful thoughts out of my mind. We're together now and that's all that matters.

His arms circle around my waist and he presses his chest against mine. Our fingers are no longer just touching each other, but grabbing and rubbing everywhere they can reach. Soon the skin offered to me isn't enough and I bring my hands to his belt. Banky starts to lay down as I begin to unbuckle it. Our mouths never leaving each other. Soon I feel his hands on the button of my pants and I reluctantly tear myself away so we both can get rid of these last barriers between us.

Now that we're completely open to each other we take a moment to catch our breaths. Banky's flat on his back and I'm on my side right next to him running my fingers up and down his chest. His hand travels up my arm to my face and pulls me down for a kiss. Just the act of kissing Banky turns me on more than I've ever been before, but it's still not enough. I want more. I need more.

I raise my body up and over so I'm hovering directly above him and end our kiss so I can see his eyes. Then I lower myself so slowly until my cock presses directly against his. Banky's mouth drops open, in what I hope is pleasure, and he keeps his eyes on mine. I leave one arm bent, laying on the bed by his face to support my weight as I lower my other arm down to where we meet. I wrap my hand around us and squeeze.

"Fuck!" Hearing Banky yell this out makes me wonder if I could take the pain of separation from him long enough to gather some supplies from my room. I look down at him with his hooded eyes looking back up at me and God he's gorgeous. As badly as I want to do everything with him, it'll have to wait for another time. There's no way I can pull myself away from Banky right now for even a second.

The way he's looking at me leaves me no choice but to kiss him. It's a slow, lazy kiss as I focus my energy on rubbing my hand up and down our hard lengths. Banky's hands slide their way down my back. Then they work their way around to my stomach only to continue their downward path. Once his hands join mine I start to feel pre-cum leaking from both of our tips. We use it make us slick, but then Banky has an idea. He leaves one hand where it is and keeps squeezing and pulling and rubbing and running his fingertips all over. With his other hand he pulls mine away, which causes me to give out a small whimper of protest, brings it to his mouth and places a kiss on my knuckles. He then turns it over and darts his tongue out to run it all over, takes one finger at a time into his warm, wet mouth, and finishes it off by suddenly spitting in the palm of my hand. I don't think I've ever seen anything hotter.

I crush my mouth to his and return my now prepared hand down below as Banky retracts his. He rests his hands on my sides as I continue with my exploring. The feel of Banky, all of Banky, pressed so firmly against me is starting to become too much. It all just feels too good and I know that I won't be able to last much longer. Banky lifts his legs, wraps them around me, and begins to gently move against me. The feeling is amazing! I have to tear my mouth away because I can't control my breathing. All I can manage are short intense gasps. Banky seems to be in the same predicament. And it only gets worse as I start to move back.

We soon find a rhythm as we push against each other with my hand vigorously massaging our cocks, and I'm close. I'm so damn close.

"Holden! Holden!"

"Banky I'm gonna cum!"

"Do it! I want you to! Please Holden cum for me. Cum on me!"

"Fuck!"

It's now that I lose control. With one last jerk I cum all over Banky's chest and stomach. I can't help but close my eyes in pleasure during my release. When I open them it's to the stunning sight of Banky, covered with me, touching himself. I try to control my breathing as I lower my mouth to his ear.

"I fucking love you Banky. God I love you. Cum for me baby. Please. I want to see it so bad."

"Holden..."

"I've got you Banky. I've got you."

It's then that he arches his back a bit, scrunches his eyes, and yells out. It's even more beautiful than I thought it would be.

For a few moments I just watch him. Seeing him like this, laid out beneath me, head rolled to the side, eyes closed tight, chest heaving up and down, and his hand loosely grasping his now softening cock, it makes me feel like the luckiest man alive. So lucky that he would love me and trust me enough to share all of himself like this.

He opens his eyes partway and looks up at me with a sloppy grin on his face.

"That was nice."

I instantly smile back and laugh a bit. 'Nice' he says?! Nice?! The writer in me can't help but be frustrated by this. Oh, Banky. I was thinking more along the lines of 'amazing' or 'extraordinary' or 'spectacular'! I was about to voice this, but once I look into his eyes, and see how happy he is, I realize that I don't need to. He already knows how I feel without a bunch of fancy adjectives. So I keep it simple too and say the only words in the world that even matter.

"I love you."

THE END


End file.
